Less Is More, how many times have we heard that statement. As parents we think the more we say, the more our kids will understand. And it doesn't mean that what you're saying isn't important, but when does it become white noise? So what can we do less of as parents with our words and actions that add more to our kids lives, and discover that less is really more.
From the studios of Marra Entertainment, this is In The Parenthood on the Marra Entertainment network alongside my crack staff. Oh, these team of jokesters here. I'm your host Rob Giumarra. In The Parenthood is brought to you by a good friends. Yet. I don't know. We'll figure it out. And buy your friends here at Marra Entertainment who remind you to check out this and other great podcasts on the Marra Entertainment Network at maraentertainment.com. Follow Like and add us on Instagram threads, Twitter and TikTok. Hit those buttons. Hit them hard at MARRAENT and follow and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Hey, thanks for joining us here today. We are so glad to have you here with us today. And there is a you know, our second episode in the bank here. And we talk about less is more. And the previous episode we were talking about the degree of difficulty. This kind of piggybacks on that conversation that less is more. That it's not the. How do we say it's not the level of education, it's not the level of education that they're getting, it's the quality of it. And. Um. Tell me that it's still up to us that as parents, the one thing we always we all want to give our kids is a better future, something better than what we had. And that starts with I think generational wealth. I think that's a big thing, understanding that you can have it, you can have it and you can build it as long as you have the right tools, the right mentorship, the right understanding there, there are tools that are out there that. I'm looking at the parents are literally the information is right there underneath our noses on social media and it doesn't require you to be Mike Wallace from 60 Minutes or a John Stossel from 2020. I just aged myself. I just aged myself. So, you know who you're talking to. You can trust that I am your age. I'm with you here. OK, so. You know, you can look at that, and less is certainly more. Um. You want to give them the opportunity to succeed. As quickly as possible, I have changed my thought process and I've gotten away from this idea that time is money. That is one of the biggest lies. And., I came upon a discovery not because I spent some time with Aaron Rodgers in a in a black hole somewhere. Discovering this actually just discovered it watching Myron Golden, and it kind of caught him by. By chance on YouTube. And when I. Discovered him and just kind of listened to some of the things he was saying. One of the things he pointed out was that time is infinitely more valuable than money. It is, and when you think about it. The faster. You can make a lot of money. You can buy back the time because now you have the opportunity to do things and experiences that you never would have had otherwise the opportunity to do and create something better, create more memories. So, for me in these latter part of my years. That's what I'm hoping to do. That's my goal. My end game is to do as little as possible. To get as wealthy as fast as I can and let the money do all the work for me. Whatever vehicles I can get my hands on. So that's one thing. You know less is more. Also applies to. You know, the conversations we have with our with our kids, daughters and sons. You know, and we hope sometimes the more we'll say, the more they'll get it eventually. It doesn't mean that what we're saying is wrong is parents. It just isn't it. It just isn't as important sometimes it seems as we think it is to them. You know, so how we communicate as parents? And how they communicate as kids or how they receive that as kids. And what does that sound like from the other side? We know what that sounds like because we were once their age. We didn't be. We didn't want to be told what to do, how to do it, when to do it. But there was something in us that were that craved discipline. And I think those are some of the things that we have to. Do his parents? Now. If the milk is already spilled, you can get it back in the carton, no? I mean, what's done is done. One of the things I've done and I've employed with my kids is a sense of transparency and vulnerability. Now I'm a single parent. I won't go into the details of how that went. That's a different episode, different podcast for different day. But what I was able to share with him from time to time is. And make sure they understand how difficult it has been. I make sure that they understand that. My ability to communicate with them is on a level that. Maybe sometimes I say too much. But unapologetically. You know, from my dad who didn't say enough. Oh, my mother, who didn't say enough. I'd rather them hear it from me than from. The street, as they say. I rather them know the truth. And when I say the truth. I mean, based on my faith. And my conviction is that truth comes from the Bible. They're principles and practices that go along with it. And some of the things I've had to go back to and come back to and keep coming back to because I'm not perfect. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I'm a. You know, I'm Tim Tebow. I'm not. But I'm OK with saying that. Because it gives them an opportunity. To see. See me as who I am. See where I've come from? And see that there's transparency and vulnerability in me that I want them to be able to have in that relationship with their kids now, of course. Discretion. Is needed. How we communicate is important, though. They're going to think well. I'm smoking weed, so I thought you knew. Well, why not just addressing it? Put it on the table? And then you set your own boundaries within your own household. And you teach them. And you hold them accountable. You know, obviously if you allow certain things, they're going to take certain liberties. It's it, you know, everybody has their own. Way to parent. And. Sometimes we demonize them for doing the same exact things that we've done, or even worse that we did. So, before you hold them in such. Before you start judging them based on their actions. Let's look at the character. Look at their integrity. You know, are they? Are you looking to help others? Are they selfish? Are they self-absorbing? Are they manipulative and maniacal? You know, that's what you want to know. So less is more. The less. We. Create this white noise environment around them. I think we'll get more from them. And there are moments that, you know, I know for me as a dad that I have to take, you know, from this point forward that I can enjoy their adulthood and I can start to tell them certain things. That, and my reason for sharing this with them and being transparent and vulnerable with them is to help them to see as a man. Well, because I've raised three boys. As a man, you don't have to do it alone. You need to be a man. You need to man up. You need to understand what that means. You also need to. As a man, there are certain qualities that you have. That you were designed for. Provide and protect. That's one of your main roles. And how well you do that? In large part is. What you got? Or what you received as an inheritance from your dad. What did you inherit? What blessing did you get? Did you garner? Did he give you? And for me it's different. For you it might be different. But. I want to give them less so they have more. I'm going to give them less drama. Less interference. Less of me, more of them. Less of whether others think or their opinions. And there are ways that. You know you can't. You can protect them to a certain degree, but you know having you as that opportunity where they can bounce things back off of you. And just check in with them on the daily on the real. I do stupid things, I said. My kids Instagram videos that are just take me down a rabbit hole of goofy stuff. But they know I'm present. We do a weekly check in. On Sundays I have two sons who live in different places right now and establishing their own identities, and one son who still lives with me. But a convenient together because I don't want to lose that bond. With each other, even if they don't want to talk. I don't care. This is the time. We're going to do this. This is almost like Sunday dinner, Italian dinner. Minus the Italian grandmother with the with the hunchback and the house dress and the slippers on and the mustache. OK, I get it. I get it. My bad. I bet that one might come back and bite me in the ***. OK guys, real good. Alright, We get it. We get it. So. What? You are saying is important as a parent. It is. It is very important. Because you're present with them. But is it getting lost in the translation of your perception of how they're doing or what they need to be doing? Ask them. Ask them. You know. What's important to them? What can you do to help them? I always go knock on my son's room and I go, you, OK? He goes, yeah. Alright. You sure is it, Dad? Leave me alone. I'm fine. OK. But he knows I care. OK, if he says I don't care about that. And give a ****. Your father. I'm going to ask whether you like it or not. Other son kind of you know, same way. I don't care. You know they have nothing to say, but I have to teach them. My responsibility as a father and as a man is to teach them how to respond as a man in kind. Not asking you to get all in your feelings. Because as men, what do we do when we get into our feelings? We get angry. Why? Because we don't know how to express them. We don't know to talk about. Our frustration, Our anxiety. You know, feeling throttled or anxious about something, or not knowing something. I took the measure to. Delve into some work through Life skills International doctor Paul Hegstrom. Look it up, Look him up. And he did some really great work. That I think has set the foundation for a lot of stuff that you see with Doctor Caroline Leaf and other people who are doing these mentorship programs and these things that are kind of evolving from it and we're learning a lot about. You know, childhood trauma. The you know, the ability for your brain to unlock and release. And different meditative exercises and. And a lot of things that are out there now that weren't available or accessible or even acknowledged. By his father's. Yeah, it's our it's our job. It's our job. We can say less and it can mean more to them. Simple text. Hey, morning. Was thinking of you. Cinema Monkey Emoji. You know, things like that. You know, poop jokes and fart jokes make everybody laugh, especially these guys. It's the funniest thing in the world. You know. What's our greatest concern as a parent? What's your greatest concern if we don't say it now? I got I get trapped in that thought from time to time. Yeah, absolutely. And then I get a bright idea. And something comes knocking on my door, it says. Less is more. What they need me for. It's up to them as young men who are maturing and growing, to come to me and talk to me. And tell me. And have a conversation with me. But it starts with me by checking in with them first. So, I have to put something in. To them. That's going to let them know. Still your dad? You make a mistake. I'm still going to love you. You make a mistake. I'm still proud of you. I know you're not perfect. I'm your dad. I still love you. I still think you're the greatest kid in the world. That's it. And for boys in particular. Yeah, I know. For daughters and sons. Daughters and sons, it's entirely different. The relationship between dads. And daughters and dads And sons. Moms and daughters. Moms and sons. It's entirely different. And if you've done it as a single parent. For quite some time by yourself or Co-parenting. It's got its own set of challenges. So, you you've got we've got a lot ahead of us, we've got a lot to do and sometimes we think if we don't. Say it now. Our greatest fear is that we failed them. We've failed them. Not that. They have. Failed themselves. And the only way they can really fail themselves is they're not learning from their from their mistakes. But this is the opportunity between those ages of 17 and 21, when it's time for them to learn these things from their mistakes, obviously. You want to protect them by all means from doing things that could cause them to. Harm to themselves or to others? That's obviously a no brainer. What? What's your greatest concern? If you don't say it now? What's your fear? What is it that you're scared of? I don't want to use the word fear. Because fear is something that isn't real. There's an underlying feeling of anxiety. Maybe the opportunity of where? You have failed them, so you feel less than as a parent. I felt that way. I felt that way on a lot of occasions. As a single father and you know, being able to do certain things, not being able to do certain things, being able to control certain situations, having uncontrollable situations. That have affected us in so many ways. And that's a That's a debilitating feeling. That is a. For man, that's a hard thing to deal with. That is a. You know. You can take a lot of abuse as a man. But when you when you hit those areas of provision and protection. And you start swinging and missing a couple of times. Oh, it. Don't mess with your head. It will definitely get into your head. So, what's your greatest concern if you don't say it now? My greatest concern for me as a father is if I don't teach them how to build wealth as I'm building it. And doing it progressively as I'm doing it. And for me to model something for them to see. I think that's my greatest concern. Maybe not so much as what I don't say, but what I do. Where's the proof? Where's the proof? I want us. I want them to see that because to me, I'm modeling something that was never modeled for me. I'm giving them something that's far greater. Because at the end of the day, when I take my last breath, I want to know that my greatest legacy is that they love each other as brothers. They're going to take care of each other. They're going to take care of their wives and their kids. And they're going to care about solving problems in the world. And finding solutions that serve the greater good. That's really it. I'm a man of faith, so faith is giving me a lot of principles and practices that I can. Put into place that. Will help me to? Drive that further and it's my motivating factor. There's a because it's a it's bigger than me. And that's important. Ultimately, you know how we communicate as parents is so important. The manner, the words. I've discovered that words are so important. But less is more. So whatever words I do say, I want to make sure that they're. There. Words of abundance and words that. Show competence and words that. That show that they are capable, that they're loved. Those are words I want them to hear. I want them to hear those words in my conversations with them. I don't want them to hear my father or my mother. They did the best they could with the tools they had. But they weren't good. I've learned some things. And I'm OK with that. I don't hold my parents responsible for my actions or what I did. I chose to do certain things because I was at an age of, not at an age of which I had full knowledge of what I was doing when I did it. And I take responsibility for those things. But I'm also going to take responsibility for changing the scope. And. The legacy of my children. They'll never have to go through what I went through. And. That they'll learn how to communicate on a better level. You know, and oftentimes with my sons, I'll ask. And even sometimes they're friends. We're just casually. Shooting the ****. Ask him Are you? You're asking for my opinion or advice. So, when they come to you. Ask him. You are you asking for my opinion or advice? I just want to be clear cause I don't want to say anything that. You know you're not asking for it. And oftentimes I'm like, oh duh, I'm asking you for advice. I like your opinion, OK? Because there's a difference. My opinion is what I think of the situation. Advices. Principles, practices that work. You know, sometimes opinions can be nebulous. They can be. You know there's not a clear certainty of them. The most important thing you need to know right now is a parent. Is. What? What is it for you? I know. For me it's. Knowing that less is more. That that's what they value. And let them come to me to tell me what they need. Not for me to assume. Not for me to interject. Not for me to offer advice. No. Because I firmly believe that advice. That's given. That isn't solicited. IS verbal abuse. Because you're basically telling that person. We didn't ask for it. What your opinion is and what they should be doing with their life. Last time I checked. Each person has the right to their own decisions. Even our own kids. What do they need to hear right now from you? For me it's. Hey, Dad. I could. Use your help with this or hey dad, I want to understand this better. You know. What do they need to hear right now? They need to hear. Words that speak abundance and. And value them and validate them words that. Speak to their competency, their ability to do greater, to be more, to do more, to have more. I stole that from Myron Golden. Be more, Do more, Have more. And giving them the tools to do it with. So, for me, I've taken the measure to dig deep into understanding, believe it or not. Um. How to sell better? You know, different masterminds, different workshops, understanding real estate, understanding how to build wealth. Um, I follow people like Grant Cardone, Robert Kiyosaki, Myron Golden. I look at different examples of Carter, Cofield, and. There's another one. What's his name? Collins. These are guys who have tax strategies and. And I mean. It's amazing at what they do and how successful these guys are. I got to find this guy for you on Instagram. He's really phenomenal. And it's so important, Let me just see if I can find them here. Ah. Let's see. OK, I go through my Instagram. And let's see here who we have. His name is. I think I want to get this right. Yeah, Myron Golden. Carter Cofield. Umm. Some of the guys that I follow, Grant Cardone and Robert Kiyosaki of course. Is up there. And there are man. I am trying to find this guy. The people I follow. Um. I think it's Andrew. I want to say Andrew Collins. I got to look it up. He's really a great guy, gives some solid information. Oh, why is this guy? Now I don't want underwater photography. Oh my God. Like I hate. I hate when I do stuff like this. Oh, just drives me crazy because I can't find what I want to find when I want to find it. Now I got to go scrolling through all this crap. So now I got to go into my saved where my. Can somebody help me find this? Because I'm getting agitated. And I don't know why I can't find. This guy on Instagram who I followed, It's. Such pain and it took us. I want to say ***. Edward Collins, that's his name. Check it out. So, Carter Cofield. Edward Collins. Myron Golden. Robert Kiyosaki. Those are the things that the people I follow. For advice and opinions and thoughts on matters of, you know, creating generational wealth. And there's a there's another guy called the Haitian CEO on Instagram. I mean, there's a lot of guys who are out there and a lot of women who are doing some great things in social media that it's literally right underneath our noses. And the important thing I want them to hear from my actions. Or that I'm looking to build. Sustainable generational wealth for them. But what I want them to hear right now is a parent. I want them to know I care that I respect them as men and young, you know, young women, you know from for me, it's my three boys. It's respecting them as men. Being honest and transparent and vulnerable with them. They don't have the benefit of having my life experiences. They see things in a very black and white way sometimes and don't realize. And you got to realize and dial it back and go. It's still young. And that's the hard part sometimes. That's the part where you kind of go, you know, where you want to go off. In a second. And you make a better choice instead. Yes, I agree that is more important. So yeah, it goes without saying that those things are important and you know you want to. You know you want to make sure that less is more for them. Less is more right now. And if you're going to give them less, give them less of the white noise. You know. Less of the arguments because at the end of the day. You got one life. You got one life. You want to you want to look back at your life, take your last breath, thing. And how many times you argued with your kids about stuff that doesn't matter at the end of the day. Now don't get me wrong, in the moment in time it yes, it is important because there are certain things that you have to address right away. You can't ignore them, but you got to address them immediately. There's an immediacy to the moment that you have to address and sometimes. You want to use discretion on when you address those issues, but sometimes they just got to be said and you have to give them the respect and say listen. I don't like this. And I don't appreciate it because XY and Z it's disrespectful to the household and there's nothing wrong with that. As a parent, you have that right. You damn well better tell them. Because if you don't tell them, the world has a cruel way of showing them. It's better they hear from you than from the world. I'm a big proponent of that. But. What do they need to hear from your words? What are the need to hear from your actions? Less is more. I'm going to try it out as an experiment. I'm going to follow back on future episodes with some guests. And then we'll see where it goes. Because his parents in the parenthood do, we really know what we're doing. Do we really know what, what exit to jump off? When to get back on, what roads to take? No. No, we don't. It's not perfect because we're not perfect and we come into these situations as parents or now as single parents or Co parents or whatever. And we're coming into their lives at a certain point in time. We're coming into blended families. We're coming into situations and circumstances that we can't, we have no control over. But what we can control? Oh yeah, that's good stuff right there. So., I think less is more. But that's why we only do 30-minute podcasts right here. With your friends here on the Marra Entertainment network, of course. Oh, OK guys. You did this to me last time and it wasn't funny. Oh, oh, real mature, guys. Real mature. That's funny. That's really funny. This episode of In the Parenthood is brought you by good friends and I. You know what? We got to get some sponsors here on this show. We do. We'll get them. They'll come. If you build it. They will come. Right. Kevin Costner, Field of Dreams. Just aged me again and by your friends here at Marra Entertainment remind you to check out this another great podcast on the Marra Entertainment Network at marraentertainment.com. Follow like and add us on Instagram threads, Twitter and TikTok at MarraENT. That's MarraENT. Follow and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. For the really mature crew, an entire team here at Marra Entertainment, I'm your host, Rob Giumarra. We'll see you again on In The Parenthood.